the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
did i walk over a car last night?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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