i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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