I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
