the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
