You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
