I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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