I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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