U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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