This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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