Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
