It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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