no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A+ Viking dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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