I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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