Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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