im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I stole a fireplace last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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