his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
