Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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