im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
