I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
