My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
