Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
