I can text with my tongue
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
