his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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