New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
