this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
