I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
