RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sorry about my life...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
