Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
