forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
