That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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