Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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