Betty ford says i'm here all night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My feet surprised me
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