That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
