i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
