I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
