I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
