yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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