I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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