I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
