you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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