had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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