Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
