Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
