Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wear drunk well.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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