its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
