Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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