The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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