What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
