I'm gonna have a badass scar
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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