Me too!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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