Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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