Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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