If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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