when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
