Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
