You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize