hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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