Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
