At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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