i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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