Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
