what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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