ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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