Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
