Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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