Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
