I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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