Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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