I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
