You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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