If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
