I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
