Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
